Damn it! I haven’t watched a single moment of Big Brother, yet after only 5 days I already know what everyone around me is talking about…

The stupid childish poser ‘activist’ with a big mouth but fuck-all to say.#
The bimbo.#
The other bimbo.#
The token straight bloke.#
The one who can’t put her tits away.#
The overcompensating man-slut who’ll sleep with any girl smashed enough to have him.#
The “outrageous” camp gay man.#
The pretentious wankflap with the alice-band fetish.#
The apparently interesting-by-default transsexual.#

I guess the rest are too dull to talk about when you really should be working…

So my stupid stupid STUPID postal ballot is finally here, covered in barcodes which I’m told is “a security measure that helps prevent electoral fraud”.. (you know what else helps? Polling stations!). Is it me or have our illustrious representatives been awfully lazy this year? No one from the major parties has come around and offered me money or sexual favours or anything. Very disappointing.

All that I got was some earnest begging from this pencil-necked BNP prick - I just wish I could’ve been there when he visited my muslim neighbours..

All their efforts will be in vain anyway, because I always vote for the prettiest one.
Don’t give me that look, everybody knows the pretty ones are better.
It’s a scientific fact.