Quad Lasers

The month since we got married has certainly passed quickly - I can’t bloody believe it’s August already, blimey! I can’t believe that I of all people can walk out of the door on a 32?C morning (90?F to all of my adopted countryfolk out there) and not be phased by it, whereas previously I would have possibly wilted at the first appearance of both sunshine AND a blue sky - ok, not so much ‘wilted’ as ‘taken it as an excuse to start drinking at 3pm without feeling guilty’. I STILL can’t believe it’s not butter ( yes, I’m a little silly at the moment)

I also can’t believe that despite moving several thousand miles away from England, I still have to see annoying little wankers like Jimmy Carr, Simon Cowell, Jeremy Clarkson (although for some reason I actually like Top Gear now that it’s on the Discovery Channel) Gordon FUCKING Ramsey and other shockshittingly awful British Telly BASTARDS on programmes over here! Last week I saw Johnny Vaughn on an advert for some fucking quiz-show thing on ABC - I’m going to have to pack Laura up in a suitcase (or failing that, buy her an adjacent plane ticket) and move to bloody Uzbekistan now, just to escape the deluge of craptacular TV presenters that seem to be following me around the world

Oh, and can I throw Boogeyman and everyone involved in it’s creation into a fiery pit of fucking-hell? Or at least, a slightly-too-hot pit of flipping-heck? The only real entertainment we gleamed from this prolapse of a DVD was the rough-cut ‘alternate’ ending, which not only served to prove that the ‘writer’ did not have a clue how to conclude the previous 80 minutes of Resident-Evil quality dialogue and EXTREME-CLOSEUPS of various door handles, but that by the time it came to add the ’special’ effects, the budget had shrunk to barely being able to afford a trial pack of crayons. The only saving grace of this whole horrid experience was that we rented the DVD through Netflix, thus we were able to avoid expending all but the slightest amounts of time/money/energy in getting it. I still want those 90 minutes of my life back though.

Gotta go now, Ta-ta!!