Quad Lasers

So my stupid stupid STUPID postal ballot is finally here, covered in barcodes which I’m told is “a security measure that helps prevent electoral fraud”.. (you know what else helps? Polling stations!). Is it me or have our illustrious representatives been awfully lazy this year? No one from the major parties has come around and offered me money or sexual favours or anything. Very disappointing.

All that I got was some earnest begging from this pencil-necked BNP prick - I just wish I could’ve been there when he visited my muslim neighbours..

All their efforts will be in vain anyway, because I always vote for the prettiest one.
Don’t give me that look, everybody knows the pretty ones are better.
It’s a scientific fact.